This past Sunday, our church, with it's heart to reach Austin, sent us out to do whatever God seemed to lead us to do. Our small group ended up working with Church Under The Bridge, an outreach to the homeless in Austin. We purchased a Thanksgiving meal for whoever might sit at our designated table, and engaged them in conversation. We hired a babysitter to watch the boys but at the last minute. upon Kyle's desperate urging, we let him go. His innocent child's heart seems to want to help the needy and I am inspired and challenged by him and want to keep that desire in him going.
It's Monday and I'm still wrestling. Wrestling with this passage in James and wrestling with the heart of God vs. my own. I know my tendency. I know my excuses. I know my passivity and laziness and my pride in thinking I serve in so many other ways. But there is still something eating at me and it's calling me to a new level of action. I'm not sure what yet, but I'm eager to find out.
Last week my friend and I went to two homeless shelters asking for ways to volunteer. That set me on a journey to search the internet. There are places EVERYWHERE to jump in. Why haven't I looked before? I say it EVERY year during the holidays and yesterday was the first time I put my words into action. But I still walked away feeling as though there has to be more.
But "Queen" and Harry, Katrina victims, sharing the responsibility of 11 kids, several of whom are dealing drugs or in prison while their youngest 3 are in CPS and they themselves barely surviving on the streets, struggling with cancer and diabetes, are still on my heart. Willy who is bipolar and Geronimo who is likely not a legal citizen are all speaking to me and crying out in the voice of Jesus. I spoke to them on Sunday but what did I leave them with?
And am I that much different than they? My identity before Christ...lost, searching, desperate, my best deeds as good as filthy rags, torn, afflicted, etc. And my God came down to rescue me? Who was I that He should look at my downcast self and choose me? And who are "Queen", Harry, Willy and Geronimo that our Creator should look at them? But He does and He calls out to me to be a voice, a hand, and a heart to give to them.
Still wrestling... I'll let you know.
But here are some words that are much more poetic and effective at speaking my same thoughts:
A story by singer/songwriter Sara Groves; she had just come back from Africa:
"There is a scene in the movie Dances with Wolves where the Sioux are on a much anticipated buffalo hunt. As they come up over a hill, they are shocked to see a field full of buffalo carcasses. The tragedy of that moment is that where the Sioux use every piece of the buffalo—the bladder holds water, the bone makes a tool, the skin is a covering for a tent- whoever has done this has taken the best part of the buffalo for himself and has left everything else to waste. There is no way to make good use of all that is lying in this field.
I was so convicted when I went to Africa that I am not using all of my spiritual buffalo. I have developed this one side of my personal relationship with God. I go to church, I have incredible worship, and I listen to incredible speakers. I have money to buy devotionals, and leisure time to do those devotionals. I have spent a lifetime grooming a personal faith in Christ, but have I been taking the best piece of the buffalo for myself? There has been a joy in discovering the good use of my life. There is a reciprocal redemption that happens when we enter into stories of helping our neighbor—not just around the world, but in our own communities. When I came home from Africa, instead of feeling guilty for my life, I began to hear God in a very clear way say, ‘that thing carries water, that thing makes a tool, that is covering for a tent.’ There is a beauty to the good use of a life, and to the acknowledgment that everything you have and do has a Kingdom purpose. "
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