Learn. Accept. Rejoice.

The summer of 2010 will undoubtedly be remembered as the summer Kyle was "diagnosed".  Through the weeks of struggle to define what exactly he has been diagnosed with and how we will move on from here, I have been discouraged and fearful.  But with each passing week, I see God moving me through different stages of what I'm sure will be a long process.  


I am learning.  I am learning so much about Kyle and how God has intentionally and uniquely designed him.  I am learning about how God intentionally and uniquely designed me to be his mom and to handle this relatively small trial while leaning on His grace.  I have been learning the difference between the disorder and simple sin and bad behavior.  I am learning a whole new communication style and experiencing the reward of a positive response.  And I am learning compassion instead of anger and grace instead of frustration.  And I am learning that there is much much more learning to do.


In the learning I have found acceptance.  Up until about 2 weeks ago, I thought I might drown in all of this new jargon and the lack of results from therapy twice a week.  But I was choosing to believe that God has been gracious to us and to be thankful for the timing and the techniques available to address the issues we'd not been able to define much less handle 3 months before.  I have come to a new place of thankfulness that this too is a good and perfect gift from God that came down in the form of a struggle, but that is yet layered with a new found appreciation and delight in the unique and wonderful treasure I have in Kyle.


And today I will say I have found joy in this trial.  I have found hope in the many areas of improvement and hope that God never left us stranded or alone.  I have found hope that He has given us the resources we need to tackle this issue and His Spirit to convict and refine the junk in my own heart that still needs weeding out (i.e. impatience, anger, perfectionism, shame, etc.)  


I am certain this trial is no where near over.  But I feel that this season is.  I am glad to put it behind me and to tuck it away in a safe place that I can look back to and yet not experience again.  I trust that the next time struggles arise in similar ways as this, I will look back to this one and remember God's goodness to teach and provide and will find courage to lean on Him anew.


I truly believe that Kyle is becoming a tender leader and nurturer to Clayton and sister to be. It is clear that God has carved out a very very special place in his heart for his "little girl",  And I can't help but think God too is creating a love in her for him.  He thinks of her at times when I'm not and will ask about her and pray for her often.  He has a burden for the orphan that I can not take credit for and prays that God would call out parents to meet them in their need.  Seriously!!!  With his quirks and struggles, there is a compassionate, sweet, affectionate, smart, and strong little boy that I can not wait to see grow into a man.  This is one privilege that I know I could never deserve!!