Vantage Point

So it's been an interesting 3 weeks since my first posting of "Disorder".  After 2 days of completed therapy we had an all out playgroup disaster.  I won't give the gory details, but I will give the outcome.  Stitches.  Okay, well almost stitches.  I guess they use glue these days.  And it wasn't for my son.  Someone else's.  Never a good feeling.  To tell you the truth, those 2 hours had my mind spinning.  I was attempting to keep my wits about me, serve lunch, be a nice, happy hostess, while my boy is running around like a red hot bandit on a mission from hell (Okay I totally just made that phrase up).  I could literally NOT control him.  


Through misty eyes, I confessed my waning hope to Kyle's occupational therapist the following session.  She totally met me in my discouragement and embarrassment and said, "You're right.  No one else knows your kid like you do.  Your friends will get it sooner or later, but in the mean time, you need to know you're not a bad parent and this is going to get better."  How I kept from breaking down right there I'm not sure.  I guess I was painfully aware that she was not THAT kind of therapist.  


I suppose there is a sense of being alone in this.  I try to explain to the friends we hang out with consistently and yet I feel like I just can't get the words coming out of my mouth to sound like anything other than gobbledygook (can you believe there is actually spell check for that??).  


As I watch the educational videos I'm realizing there is life change involved in this.  How far do we go?  Where does this get to be unreasonable and at what point do you say, "I'll do anything for my kid?"  


In the meantime, Kyle's down the hall and around the corner laughing so hard I can hear him.  He LOVES this.  We are implementing a few new things at home each week.  Baby steps.  Do I see improvement?  I think it's just too early.  But I am willing to wait it out and give this thing a shot?  Absolutely!


I KNOW that God can see the whole thing.  He sees it from a vantage point of sovereignty.  He sees the beginning and the end.  He sees us and He knows us and exactly what our breaking points are.  He knows exactly how this is going to change all of us.  Not just Kyle, but Jon and myself and even Clayton and baby girl from Rwanda too.  He is using this to make us stronger and wiser and hopefully more compassionate but definitely more dependent.  And thankfully, He sees it from the vantage point of love.  He loves us.  He loves Kyle deeply.  Can it possibly be that He loves him more than I do?  I struggle with that.  But He does.  He gives us struggles.  They are His gifts.  Am I eager to unwrap this package?  Not today.  But maybe I should.  If I knew His goodness better, I think I would.


Oh and speaking of presents, tomorrow is Clayton's birthday!!  And we're 3 months with no camera and counting...Maybe I can borrow one to post pics.  My baby is turning 2!!! or as he says, "shree".  Not yet little buddy.  Don't you dare grow up that quick...